Gail Cannon interviews Trish Whynot

Interview with Gail Cannon from Earthsong Yoga Studio

Boundary-Asana with a Valentine Twist workshop with Dr. Trish at Earthsong Yoga Studio, Marlboro, MA on Friday, Feb. 3rd 7-9pm

Gail: What brought you to teaching these types of workshops on boundaries?

Dr. Trish: What prompted me was when our daughter and her husband got a dog. I was talking with a friend about the challenges of flattened flowerbeds and rope burns and how when I finally had “the conversation” that it had been so healing and brought us closer. Through my sharing I realized how little people knew about boundaries, how much stress could be avoided by enforcing them and how ‘I’ even dragged my feet prior to having “the conversation.”

I realized how the same situation that could create distance could just as easily deepen intimacy and illustrate integrity based on how it was handled. I strive for intimacy and integrity so I wanted to master boundary setting. I read about it, wrote about it, practiced it and eventually began teaching it. I run into my fears sometimes just like everyone else, but I'm on the path and compassionate with the process.

Gail: What is your background?

Dr. Trish: I have been practicing holistic counseling for 12 years and I began my practice of boundary setting 19 years ago. A breach of trust sent me in search of understanding. I wasn't so graceful at first, but I know how to get there now. Trial, error and humility are amazing teachers. My title is Doctor of C.O.R.E. Education, which is the approach I use along with meditation and work with the Mineral Kingdom to help my clients eliminate the root of their problems.

Gail: Who should attend this workshop, and what will they receive?

Dr. Trish: Parents * spouses * boyfriends * girlfriends * adult children * pet owners * teachers * managers * anyone who takes loving and relationships seriously

They will learn:

·      my perspective on boundaries

·      how boundaries can deepen intimacy

·      how to draw people closer without even trying

·      how to enjoy and be enjoyed rather than be used

·      how to respect and be respected rather than underappreciated

Gail: Why do we have boundaries, what are they, are they needed in every situation?

Dr. Trish: We have boundaries so that we can have healthy, thriving relationships rather than codependent ones.

Boundaries are not at all what most people think. They are made up of desires not defenses. They are about loving and being loved at a pace that is comfortable for us. They are where one person's generosity ends and another's responsibility begins. It is likened to the zone for relationships.

Are they needed in every situation? Boundaries are part of the art of being true to oneself.

When being true to ourselves is something we strive for across the board, consistent boundaries are our ally.

As with the practice of yoga, the practice of boundaries opens us up in ways we didn’t even know were possible. We don’t need yoga or boundaries to survive, but they certainly help us to thrive.

Gail: To develop boundaries what do we need to do? or not do?

Dr. Trish: Setting boundaries can be likened to a sun salutation in yoga. There is a sequence of steps necessary for setting boundaries.

We need to be:

·       true to ourselves

·      honest with our feelings

·      clear about what we want

·      ask for what we need in a positive way

We need not be:

·      who we think others want us to be

·      hiding our feelings

·      wishy-washy about what is important to us

·      negative

Having the boundaries necessary to remain true to oneself and the knowhow to address conflict with emotional maturity deepens intimacy, draws the right people together and keeps the spark shining brightly in relationships.

The Health Spiral: How far have you ventured from yourself?

When there is discord in my life of any kind, cleansing the fear out of how I operate is what provides the relief.

One of my clients is struggling with some health issues and it has sent me back to retrace my own steps from health issues past. Hindsight always provides some 20/20 so to follow are my findings from this stroll down memory lane.

As I thought about my prior health issues as messengers, I had this image of a health issue personified. It was an overly excited boy knocking at my door. I pictured him running for miles to get a message to me. By the time he finds me he's animated, out of breath and speaking gibberish. It freaks me out, not only because he’s a stranger, but because I thought everything was fine yet here stands a babbling youngster trying to tell me otherwise. And that’s if I even open the door.

In the early days I thought this crazy kid was a troublemaker so I’d call in special forces covered under my HMO to get him off my property (medicate, radiate or surgically remove him).

I had traveled so far off course from being true to myself, from my soul’s plan, from my life’s purpose (various phrases with universal meaning) which was why he had to travel so far and his message was so urgent, but at the time I could only view him as a blubbering idiot. I would find this ‘disturbed’ youth to be an irritation to my blissfulness. But in hindsight I was the disturbed one, my bliss was really my ignorance and he was a Godsend.

When I couldn’t get him off my property, I started opening the door a crack in an attempt to calm him down (physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, energy work). Once calm he’d want to chat about my living and loving. But I was too anxious to get back on the track that had gotten me sick so I’d pop a pacifier in his mouth, shut the door and go on my merry, ignorant way.

Traveling further still from my God-given self, my center, my authenticity I'd eventually encounter another messenger or another visit from this one.

Why?

Because the pacifier was obstructing the message to change my self-destructive tendencies that were causing me to stray from my center. I hadn’t cleansed the fear out of my motives.

Like what?

Like sacrificing my needs and desires in order to remain connected to ‘loved’ ones. If they weren’t asking, I was volunteering. I was operating out of fear-of-loss rather than love. It was my autopilot so I wasn’t even conscious of it at the time, but that didn't mean that it was harmless as my health was indicating. Sacrificing our needs and desires as a means for maintaining connections in family, friendship, intimate or business relationships can only leave us with a heavy heart.

My condition improved with alternative health care. It was a Godsend even, but over time I came to feel like a slave to the 'maintenance' care and even became skeptical of its value. That was my cue to voluntarily open the door, remove the pacifier and start dialoguing.

Can we live with abandon if our modus operandi is to pacify and outsmart our messengers? Can we truly live if our motivator is fear-of-loss and fear-of-death? Whatever path to wellness you choose, traditional or alternative, don't forget to face your fears too. To do what you must in order to have your choices come from a place of love for your life at the risk of losing connection rather than at the risk of losing your health. When you are authentic the connections that remain will be the authentic ones. 

How do I change course?

Begin by slowing down and asking yourself 3 questions: 

1. What am I about to say or do?
2. Why am I about to say or do it?
3. Am I coming from a place of fear or love?

When it is fear, explore what you are fearing and why. Unresolved issues from our past may surface for revisiting. A therapist or counselor can help with revealing autopilots and with closure of the past. Operating out of love will take practice so when you put yourself out there, expect that sometimes it will be fear-of-loss in disguise. And when it is, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go back to the drawing board, and try again with your more genuine findings. Maintenance healthcare was Godsend for this period too. When you've got love down, you'll know it and feel it with your whole heart and soul and be able to apply what you've learned to other areas of your life that are ready for re-authenticating.

The further we stray from our centers the easier it is to blame our symptoms for our discord rather than thank them for being our personal GPS device, the boy who tracked us down to guide us home to the land of milk and honey—that place where it feels great to be us and our world reflects our prosperity.

Being our authentic selves is easier said than done at times but once we learn how to take a washcloth to our fears, it is the easiest course of all, the healthiest, most noble and most abundant one.

If you have utilized a health issue as a springboard into more authentic living you will know exactly what I am talking about. And if you haven't it might be time to give it a try.

And in case you were wondering, I made that spiral with my ice skates. :-)

Enjoy the journey,

Dr. Trish

P.S. "Enlightenment doesn't mean that your car will never break down, but if it does you'll be close to a gas station." ~Unknown

When our world turns upside down it offers us a new perspective. ~ Trish Whynot

 

When our world turns upside down it is easy to slip into the victim-perspective. 

Can you relate?

But victim is so disempowering. I know, I have spent quality time there in the past and nothing valuable has ever emerged from it. 

So what is the alternative? you might be wondering.

The opportunity-perspective.

When I would look for meaning ... to expect for there to be value buried within my circumstances ... I would find it. And not only would life right itself, but it would better itself. I would emerge from the upside down happier and more whole than I could have ever been had I not gone there. It wasn't bad ... damn uncomfortable sometimes ... but rich with humbling opportunity.

Next time you find yourself in a vulnerable position...

try looking for the opportunity to live more, love more and be loved more because of it. 

As the Serenity Prayer implies ...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Enjoy the journey!

Trish

Fulfillment is the Feminine Side of Accomplishment

Last weekend I attended a strategic retreat, facilitated by Sam Horn in D.C, in pursuit of support for the book I've been writing. Being amongst this group of warm, business savvy, passionate women was exhilarating, enlightening and magical.

I knew without a doubt that I would benefit but my contribution was not completely clear to me until my return. I was amongst the participants who were shining the light on the feminine side of discussions--the fulfillment side--the essence of projects: how they could simultaneously be utilized for personal growth and healing. Others shined the light on the masculine side--the take charge side--the form of the project: networking connections, organizational skills, tools to best put our talents into practice.

When both sides are revered and balanced genuine success--success inside and out--is the outcome.

Fulfillment is when our 'doing' makes us better 'beings.'

So how do I maintain this balance while pursuing my goal? you might be wondering.

With a win-win mindset for starters.

A win-win mindset:

• is faith-driven. 
• has a higher purpose. 
• holds everyone's best interests at heart including our own.
• stretches faith and trust in a Macrocosmic Spirit (The Law of Attraction) far beyond the limits of creating a parking space.

A win-lose mindset:

• is fear-driven.
• pushes us to the depletion point.
• strives to avoid being the loser by promoting sacrifice, suffering and inadvertently its spread.
• has no trust in a Macrocosmic Spirit nor tends to a microcosmic one because the feminine side, the nurturing side of its efforts, has gotten lost.

Fulfillment satiates the heart while completion of our goal satiates the mind.

How can my pursuit serve to complete me rather than deplete me?

With a win-win mindset we can balance our personal and professional needs without compromise. We may not know how this can unfold but trust that when we ask, the Macrocosmic Spirit will provide a plan, and that if we slow down and listen we will be intuitively guided.

Faith is not belief without proof; it is trust without reservation. ~ D. Elton Trueblood


If I had to choose between my health and a bunch of money, I'd choose my health, but fortunately with a win-win mentality we don't have to make that choice. With faith we can not only have both, but will emerge from this mindset with a very different relationship with each. The Law of Attraction can be trusted.

This business-savvy group was rich with networking connections, but once I brought out my crystal cards my equally and uniquely valuable networking connections with the feminine side became clear. The collaborative of  our connections brought a sense of wholeness to our projects--purpose inside and out. We even witnessed the Macrocosmic Spirit in action--guiding us to the answers we were seeking. It was magical.

Neither dying with our music still in us or driving ourselves into the ground to get it out are fulfilling accomplishments; but when sharing our music in win-win fashion everyone it touches is all the richer including ourselves. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know, without a doubt, that I left D.C. feeling rich, loved, grateful, full of new strategies to make my book more engaging and enthusiastic about my projects and my new friends.

Win-win takes some practice to master but it's definitely worth the effort. It's time to revive the feminine side of accomplishment. As Sam so eloquently reminded us, "Receive, receive, receive." I believe with my whole heart that our health, well being and the health of our economy are depending on it.

Hope you can draw from this!

Warmly,
Dr. Trish

You know you are manipulating when ...

You know you're manipulating when ...

You're trying to cross the street but going around the world to get there.

When we catch ourselves in this pattern, facing the fear of what we think will happen if we are straight forward will offer a more direct route.
~Trish Whynot

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Is It Time for an Upgrade?

Have feelings of shame, pain or stress ever sent you in search of understanding?

500 soul-searchers were at the Holiday Inn last Sunday buzzing from table to table for insights and inspirational gifts at ZuZu’s New Age Holiday Expo. I was amongst the readers in the back of the room. My table was the one with the brightly colored stones set in a spiral design atop a red silk tablecloth and hidden behind a white column. At first I was a little concerned by my obstructed view but even that proved to add to the ambiance of searching for understanding.

From the soul-searchers who found themselves seeking my counsel behind the white column, three limiting thought processes stood out that are definitely worth the consideration of an upgrade.

The first limiting thought process involved asking for what we want. Many participants were clear about what they didn’t want, but it ended there. We must be clear about what we want and how we are asking for it. If we give the heavens our negatives then that’s what we are going to get back. We are responsible for giving the heavens something to work with. Are we giving it our loves or our fears? And sometimes we don’t know until what we asked for comes back.

The second limiting thought process came from a participant who wanted me to foretell the future of her relationship. How often we look to a guarantee for comfort, but I believe our future is up to us. When we grow and change we have access to more optimal futures than we would otherwise be able to access. Therefore I find it more productive to focus on the growth and change side and let the future take care of itself.

Fear is faith that got turned inside out. When it’s there I’d rather explore it than dismiss it because so much good can come from the process of turning it back around.

The third limiting thought process came from a participant who was stuck in a relationship that she knew didn’t serve her. How does that happen? And it frequently does.

I have found myself asking many clients throughout the years, “Do you love this person or are you obsessed with getting them to love you?” We can’t tell what our true feelings are for someone when we believe this obsession to be love. Rather than let go when there is not enough common ground on which to build a deep and meaningful relationship we gradually become obsessed with trying to change the other person. Letting go would be more loving than holding on in this way.

Rather than attempt to get others to change, accept them where they are and upgrade your loving skills instead. Expect a learning curve, but it will be well worth the effort.

 “You cannot evaluate an insane belief system from within it.” says A Course in Miracles. If a thought process that we live by is creating pain, shame, stress or obsession it will eventually send us soul-searching. Don’t shame yourself or let yourself be shamed for having the courage to give life and love your best shot, but do have the humility to admit when your methods aren’t so fruitful.

My 3 upgrade suggestions:

·      Give the heavens your loves to work with rather than your fears.

·      Look for the growth rather than for the guarantee.

·      Love others because it brings you joy rather than to get love back.

Have you been feeling stressed, obsessed, shamed or pained?

Maybe it’s time for an upgrade?

Hope you can draw from this.

Warmly,

Trish

Migraine Wisdom

Have you ever had a migraine?

I've had this revelation brewing for a few weeks now and it began with a migraine. I was down and out for 3 days. My sensitivity was pretty acute. And my tolerance for mumbo jumbo was zero. I was able to discern it by how it affected my headache. I could only stomach the truth and was quick to put a stop to anything nonsensical. I was in too much discomfort to be "nice."

While watching the insides of my eyelids I was able to explore "nice" and realized that there is nothing nice about time spent listening to a bunch of nonsense for nonsense's sake. It's actually pretty wasteful, an abuse of time even.  I listen to people's "nonsensical" stories for a living. There is value there, but it is buried in between the words. That's a big distinction. It's not about the mumbo jumbo, but about the truth buried in it; and once you find it it's easy to let the mumbo jumbo go.

I don't want to hear about excuses because excuses are just justifications for being hurtful. But when I know that the owner of an excuse is seeking truth, then I know that their excuse is on the way to this end. An excuse for justification's sake is mumbo jumbo to me. And obviously I must be vigilant of any tendency I may have to make excuses too. It always goes both ways.

Meditation is a more conscious alternative to a migraine. And I could have been watching the insides of my eyelids on a tropical beach somewhere. But I guess a migraine was a viable option for wisdom to come through. Sometimes the only way for the heavens to get our attention is to grab us by the ankles. I have been putting this migraine wisdom into practice and there is even more than this. I just don't have words for it all yet, but I'll be sure to share when I do.

I emerged from the darkness with a knowing that the moments I have left in this life, however few or many, are much too precious to be filled with mumbo jumbo unless we are treasure hunting.

Hope you can draw from this.

Warmly,
Trish