It's Our Resistence to Thriving that Causes Our Suffering

I was listening to a sermon (long story) online and my husband got clearly irritated so we talked about it. His irritation was all he could focus on. How quick we are to throw out the baby with the bath water. I find it fascinating how people's minds are trained to focus on what we don't like and to then build an argument to justify it. Now there's a fruitless pursuit.

Building an argument to justify our emotional charge just proves that we have a right to be charged. In essence it is an attempt to prove that we could do better or that we're right. Hmm ... that just boosts our pride/ego but the opportunity to heal our wounded self-esteem that is being presented goes unnoticed in argument-building. God offers us an opportunity to thrive through healing but we botch it up because we don't understand God. It's our resistance to thriving that causes our suffering.

The nugget I pulled from Herb Montgomery's sermon was his mention of this Book that will finally reveal God's character at the end of time. What a great way to describe how energy works--God's character in action! I love that!

But just like with any relationship, I believe that we can learn about God's character now by learning to receive our life versus shrugging it off, dismissing it or judging it. We have a right to be charged when we are, but in building an argument, we ultimately build it against God. In building an argument, we look for a right to suffer rather than an opportunity to thrive.

My Food Revelation

My food choices always give me a heads up to how I'm feeling. For example, carbs and sweets make me a bit foggy. This is usually showing me that I desire to move forward with an idea but I have some fears around venturing into this new territory. This inner conflict between my desire and my fear creates stress.

From here I can either face my stress or address my eating. If I address my eating it will take me to my stress because when I'm out of my fog I can see my other living choices with greater clarity.

As I pondered the idea that when we are clear, we are able to see our living choices with greater clarity, it made sense that many people who diet to lose weight eventually gain back at least as much as they lost. They get to that clarity place and don't know how to address what they see so they go back into their old familiar food-fog where it's "safe."

And of course, if I address my fear of moving forward my eating choices will change because I won't need the fog anymore. I will rather embrace the clarity and want for more of it on every level.

Go out of your way to find the beauty in every day ~ Trish Whynot

A Day to Ponder the Meaning of Love

When a topic touches me, I can let it sink into my bones for days. So today is Valentine's Day; and Love is one of those topics.

"What do you think is the point of relationships? Any relationship from our relationship with finances, to food, to career, to family, to significant other."

In my belief, the point of any relationship is to bring us closer to God." When we've lost touch with that point, we wind up worshiping that relationship--we give our power to it and can even get into a power struggle with it when we are missing this point.

(Please feel free to substitute the term for God that you are comfortable with. I know that it was a trigger word for me at one point in my life.)

"So how does a relationship bring us closer to God, especially a love-relationship?"Let's look at love in action.

1. What does it mean to seek comfort from an intimate partner? In my belief it means feeling safe enough to touch our feelings completely with our partner/close friend/family member as witness when they are stirred. To seek growth and healing through love--becoming lighter as in enlightened as in closer to God. Most people think of being comforted as having someone take us away from our feelings, but enlightenment comes from using them as fuel for learning, healing and growth.
2. Most people think of a thoughtful person as someone who demonstrates small acts of kindness, like buying a card or gift. But the motivation behind thoughtful acts is key? If it is an attempt to prove caring or to win love, I'd call that more manipulative than thoughtful. And if someone demands that kind of love, their insecurities are coming to the surface to be revisited. And that's great as long as they are revisited in the safety of love rather than placed as a yoke around the intimate partner. 
3. Thoughtful to me is someone who does their best to be mindful of the motivation for their words and/or actions before they act--someone who lives and loves deliberately rather than ignorantly. Someone who knows that the motivations for our words and/or actions are either rooted in fear or in love. The thoughtful person will go the extra mile to do what love calls for, even at the risk of not being popular. They might buy a card because it brings them joy, but not for kudos. They know that popularity contests are ego driven and the truly thoughtful aren't interested in inflating egos, but rather in dismantling them since that is what brings us closer to God.

"I Me Wed"

What a great story of self-afirmation. I loved this movie! I saw it on LMN but you can find it on YouTube.
A great example for being true to yourself,
of "the things that irritate us most in others are the things we don't like about ourselves."
And "Like attracts like."
Loved her self-vows!

Warning spoilers are to follow. If you haven't seen the movie yet, you might want to save these comments for after.

• In the restaurant, Isabelle was accusing her boyfriend, Colin, of being concerned with what other people think, although this was true, she was doing her own version of just that. Bill, the designer, started to take the ball and run with it, then the media got involved and Isabelle lost her dream to the dreams of others. She stopped following her heart--fell off her path of self-affirmation to do what she thought was expected of her.
• At the altar she couldn't verbalize her vows because she would be lying to herself--it was here that she became fully aware that she had become a hypocrite to the very image she was attempting to model. But she redeemed herself by being honest with her guests, apologizing, and in essence forgiving herself.
• She had a do-over at the altar. She stopped in the midst of what was wrong and then did a version of what she wanted all along. It was a perfect example of what Isabelle Darden was all about. Not perfect, but real--doing her best to be true to herself. In the end, she modeled a real life example of what she believed, the courage that it takes to be true to yourself. Just not in the way that she had pictured.
• When she didn't need a guy was when she met 'the one.' That's how it works. If we are looking for someone or something to make us happy, we tend to settle. But when we are already happy, whatever we want is just frosting on the cake.

• What great vows: 

I Isabelle Darden love myself. 
I honor myself. 
I cherish myself.  
And most importantly, I promise to really be true to myself from this moment forward no matter what.

•  I love the ending. He apologizes for putting her in a position of having to choose between him and her wedding. In essence apologizing for allowing himself to be swayed off his original position of support. She was true to herself and then he was. "Like attracts like."
• Being true to ourselves is a lifelong vow that takes effort, practice, trial and error, and discerning the difference between our ego and our heart.

If you wouldn't invite someone into your safe place then why are they in your life?

I've been thinking about the scene in Avatar where the Na'vi were gathered around their sacred Tree. If we apply that scene to our own lives you could replace the Tree with who or what you worship. And you could substitute your "peeps" and those of like mind as those who gather round it.

As I've said to some of my clients before, if you wouldn't invite someone into your "safe place" that you create in meditation, then why are they in your life? What are the stories you tell yourself about these people? And what are the stories they tell you about yourself?

Interesting questions to ponder and a great visual.

I can't help but wonder if James Cameron is aware of all these thought provoking messages in his movie? I think a true artist lets his work speak to him. I'd love to talk with him about this.

Avatar Offers A Thread of Hope

Someone was asking me about my work this week and it occurred to me to ask her if she had seen Avatar. Fortunately she had, so I told her that I help people to see their lives as Pandora. What a great visual. That just says it all. We have a choice. We can interpret life like the Na'vi or like the military. I love this movie more and more every day!

Remember the part where Neytiri, in a fit of frustration, calls Jake a baby? He didn't know how to engage with nature in Pandora. He reminded me of a child touching a hot stove. Even when told it was hot, sometimes we can't wrap our mind around the concept until we have gotten burned. In tending to our wounds we learn to respect whatever has burned us. But does our respect come from seeking to understand the nature of a stove or from fear of another burning?

Neytiri acknowledges her frustration toward Jake's naivety and uses it to bust his ego, but then she teaches him. The military, on the other hand, sends spies to find the Na'vi's naivety so they can use it as a weapon to ultimately destroy them with. The Na'vi see naivety as an opportunity to empower and the military see it as an opportunity to dis-empower. As Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." If we want to be surrounded by people who empower us then we must live in an empowering kind of way.